Film Review: An American Carol

Liberal? Conservative? Our nation has been split in two; a gangland of citizens who love to bicker over political minutiae, choosing sides with the sort of venom typically reserved for pro wrestling or the finer points of KISStory. However, I think our brittle populace can all agree on one thing: the searing, unyielding pain of an atrocious comedy. “An American Carol” is such a beast, hoping to be the first Conservative-angled production to break free from assured ridicule and enjoy a rich box office life, yet comes staggering to the screen crippled with an absurd agenda, farcical impotence, and necrotic taste in comedic targets.

Michael Malone (Kevin Farley) is a left-wing documentary filmmaker with a healthy appetite for anti-American liberal stunts and an even bigger interest in junk food. Trying to make the ultimate confrontational statement, Malone is campaigning to abolish the Fourth of July on grounds that it represents disgraceful American warmongering values. This traitorous act perks the interest of the Taliban (including Robert Davi and Geoffrey Arend), who want to finance Malone’s protest in an effort to blow up Madison Square Garden. Sent from the heavens to stop Malone are three ghosts: George Washington (Jon Voight), General Patton (Kelsey Grammer), and the Angel of Death (Trace Adkins). Trying to change Malone’s mind about America, the spirits take the blustery boob on a journey through history, reminding the documentarian what the country has suffered through and what it stands for today.

Director David Zucker is best known as one of the pioneers of the modern parody film, a mastermind behind the likes of “Airplane!” and “The Naked Gun.” “American Carol” is Zucker’s valentine to the Conservative movement and structured much like the comedies he’s known for. It’s a Looney Tunes-style farce, hitting the viewer over the head with a blitz of slapstick and sight gags, rarely pausing for a breath. Traditionally, this concentration of speed is a welcome addition to nonsense, yet, for “Carol,” it’s in service of monumental filmmaking gracelessness and disingenuous intent.

Fearing Liberal Hollywood has been telling their side of the American story for too long, Zucker and his writing staff strive to offer their own take on the Michael Moores of the world, and how these undignified souls are sullying the U.S.A. Moore is such an easy target (and one that’s been done to death), but familiarity fails to restrain Zucker, who doesn’t just satire Moore’s broad political stance, but unsheathes a machete and symbolically severs his head. Malone is an obese, military-hating, unwashed bastard who claims vague cultural victory when his movies clean up awards, yet longs to direct a fictional feature. Everyone hates him, he’s never two steps away from a Twinkie, and he’s receptive to monetary offers from terrorists. It’s a cartoon depiction of Moore, performed by Farley (doing his best Jim Belushi impression) through a series of quadruple-chinnings and multiple fall-down-and-go-booms. It’s not quite the evisceration Zucker is aiming for, undermined by the staleness of the target and the unnerving idiocy of the writing. Get it? Moore likes to eat! He hates America because he criticizes it!

Zucker doesn’t stop at Moore/Malone for pointed mockery, “Carol” also tackles loathsome American poxes such as college educations (the damn hippies are indoctrinating your kids, people!), exercising constitutional rights, and questioning leadership. The horror. The ACLU also gets a spanking (imagined as zombies enabling terrorists), along with those wacky goofballs, the suicide bombers. “Carol” rides the fine edge of taste for most of its running time, with the director relying on Hitler and concentration camp jokes to show that he’s capable of ribbing anything, not just liberals. Shhh, don’t tell Zucker, but I don’t think Hitler is funny anymore. That’s just me.

“Carol” is created with a specific agenda to support the American armed forces, using the Washington and Patton characters (along with John Kennedy) to remain the audience that diplomacy is second only to a strong military hand. The ghosts show Malone (in full “Christmas Carol” fashion) the results of an America without the sacrifice of war, exploring how slavery still exists and visiting a nuked Detroit. Of course, with “Carol” being a zany comedy and all, there’s even a sobering moment spent at the smoldering ruins of 9/11, punctuated with Malone’s head pinballing between two gigantic bells. Shhh, don’t tell Zucker, but I don’t think 9/11 is funny anymore.

Besides, of all filmmakers in the world to beat Zucker to the terrorist comedy punch, Uwe Boll danced the same tasteless tango earlier this year with the blindingly awful “Postal.”

“Carol” can whine about Moore all it wants, but I’ll take “Canadian Bacon” over this trainwreck any day of the week. Perhaps made with the best intentions to honor the nation and those who choose to fight for our freedom, “An American Carol” instead reinforces how needlessly divisive our country has become. Certainly there’s a better way to say “Yay America!” than this lousy, hopeless movie, easily one of the worst films of the year.

F

Comments

[JerodL7]

"Michael Moore movies are not anti-american."

I completely agree with Cancer man. Take a look at this clip from Bowling from Columbine, and see if you think it is at all anti-American:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l_hNrkmpyc

If not Anti-American, I suppose in fairness one would need to conclude Moore is a complete idiot, since only an idiot could love such an obviously vile country founded on little else than fear and bigotry.

[Michael Vick]

"I completely agree with Cancer man."

Typical Conservative dipshit. Cancer Man didn't write the post you're quoting. Can't you read?

[mr. pink]

"Anti-administration policy, pro-worker, pro-health care is not anti-american."

That's a lot of fancy words you use their when you could just say "STALINIST" oder "NATIONAL-SOCIALIST", because that is what is means. You liberal traitors surely would be pro-worker because you need them to build the Gulags for the few of us who have not been indoctrinated by St. Michael Moore like all you enlightened know-it-alls. Why don't you live in Russia or Iran when its so much better their?

[thwap]

JerodL7 you idiot, ... Brian didn't call Zucker an anti-American traitor for making his piece-of-shit movie, whereas Americans who protest illegal wars are called traitors.

See the difference?

I'll bet not. The review was quite clear about why this film is a shoddy piece of moron propaganda, and it's all gone quite over all its brainwashed supporters' heads.

Perhaps if it dies a death similar to that of the abominable "half-hour newshour" you guys will admit that not just "liberals" think that your right-wing culture is crap.

[Roboteer]

Why couldn't they make a movie about a black American Idol type running for US President, who is secretly a Marxist, follows the Marxist doctrine of seizing poltical power by any means necessary (including electronic hacking, off the chart voter fraud, massive illegal contributions, and character assassinating opponents families), who's closest friends are extreme Left wing radicals (some of them bomb throwing), who is closely tied with Chicago corruption and the Fannie Mae debacle, where the mainstream media goes all Leni Riefenstahl, where elementary school children are taught to sing his praises (really scary), where it becomes a crime to wear an American flag lapel pin, where he wants establishment of taxpayer funded Party Brown Shirts in urban areas (oops, I mean Community Organizers), where he'd just as soon surrender and placate enemies abroad than oppose them, who wants a trillion dollars in social spending but won't raise YOUR taxes (wink wink), who wants to cut off free speech in radio (his opposition's biggest outlet), who is bankrolled by a foreign financier who's stated life goal is the destruction of the US, an accidental Senator for a few months with no experience and less sense who rises to the highest pinnacle of the world's greatest Democracy only to undermine everything that made it great. That's sounds like the typical movies Hollywood makes about Conservatives. Call it NIGHTMARE ON MAIN STREET USA. Now THAT's a mov....? Huh? You're kidding? It's a true story???? OMG!

Sing For Change www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH-2Fwx5RU0

[Consumer Unit 5012]

Mallard T. Drake, you are wrong. I can understand why the "Right Wing" would love to dump the Nazis on the "Left Wing", but they don't want them either. And I'll just remind you that the Nazis went after unionists, homosexuals, and communists as well as the Jews--hardly traditional targets for Liberal Wrath.

So, what can we take away from this movie and the namecalling around it? That "to Conservatives, any criticism of America or its rulers is TREASON!!@!!!1!~one!!"? No, that can't be it, seeing what they had to say about Bill Clinton when he was President...

It funny George Washington was one of the Avatars of America in this flick. You'd think that a guy who committed _real_ armed treason against his government because he couldn't stand the policies of an out-of-touch, incompetent ruler named "George" isn't the sort of thing the Republicans want us remembering right now.

[thwap]

Roboteer,

What's hilarious is that you guys really believe this stuff. You guys are the joke. What's sad and pathetic is when you make a movie, present your delusional conspiracy theories as "fact" and add what your monkey-brains imagine is "comedy" to the display, and then you sit back and blame "liberals" when three-quarters of your country reject your offering as garbage.

You guys would be funny if it wasn't for the fact that you're so dangerous with your inexhaustible stupidity.

[Truth Matters]

"Michael Moore movies are not anti-american. Not in the slightest. Anti-administration policy, pro-worker, pro-health care is not anti-american."

Engaging in continually dishonest mechanisms and going to astounding lengths to mislead viewers into believing the worst things about our country, whether primarily aimed at the current administration or not, has damaged the ability of many of its citizens to objectively perceive their own country and assess its imperfections in the context of an overwhelmingly positive reality, and has encouraged widespread unfounded anger and hatred from within our country and without, unnecessarily damaging our pysche and standing in the world.

[roy]

I saw it. I tried to like it, but it's NOT FUNNY. It's just bad.

[Scrooge McDuck]

This is still a movie review site, isn't it?

[thwap]

Truth Matters,

What a load of pompous drivel. Engaging in continuously dishonest mechanisms to justify an illegal through nonsensical calls about WMDs, and going to astounding lengths to lie to the people about illegal surveillance programs, torture, and numerous other things your country is supposed to oppose, ... that's bad enough.

The citizens who can't accurately perceive their own country are right-wing, brainwashed bushlovers. There's your obvious knuckle-dragging cretin compatriots and there's more articulate stoops such as yourself, who type a lot of empty garbage.

To sum it up, you've typed a bunch of empty assertions, applicable to nobody in particular, and you imagine that it constitutes an argument. It doesn't. And if you could attach it to something, it would be entirely irrelevant in this context, to whit: "An American Carol" is a bad movie because it's informed by such a stupid world-view.

[Mackenzie]

I Art Laughing,

Of course, you would love to have Sen. McCarthy. The man exploited the Red Scare worse than the modern conservatives exploited 9/11.

[Dano]

If you did see the movie than you missed the point of the Hitler, Mussolini, Toto scene...he was not mocking the Axis leaders, the movie was mocking Neville Chamberlain and appeasement strategy.

And the 911 moment was very somber and touching part of the film...it was not done for laughs.

Did you in fact really see the film or know you were going to hate it before hand?

The liberal love and tolerance is strong in this thread.

[Scott]

This nonsense about the country recently becoming politically divided is something born out of ignorance. Go read American history and realize that from the beginning the political process has necessitated a process through which we determine which political philosophy will govern. In this era we have conservatism, who seek to uphold liberty and the free market: and liberalism/leftism, which seeks to supplant these traditional American values with socialism and the loss of free speech. What will be your choice, America?

[Shannon Nutt]

"And the 911 moment was very somber and touching part of the film...it was not done for laughs."

A scene punctuated by "Malone" knocking his head between two bells?

Try again.

The movie is tasteless and unfunny.

And guess what? It TANKED at the box office this weekend.

Way to go conservatives! You made your point: you can make box office failures just like those pesky libs in Jew-run Hollywood!

[Truth Matters]

Thwap, I am sorry you had trouble understanding my post, but I chose my words carefully and I do not believe they are empty. To the contrary, they are based on careful research, actual observation and overwhelming evidence.

But I do thank you for illustrating my point about unfounded anger and hatred with your colorful application of terms such as "idiot" and "piece of shit" and "moron" and "crap" and "pathetic" and "monkey-brains" and "garbage" and "drivel" and "knuckle-dragging" and "stupid."

Oh, and thanks for setting me straight on what constitutes an argument.

[Dave]

I saw the movie. It had a message that is truly American! With liberals for friends who needs enemies?

[thwap]

Truth Matters,

"I am sorry you had trouble understanding my post, but I chose my words carefully and I do not believe they are empty."

Well, you wouldn't, would you?

"To the contrary, they are based on careful research, actual observation and overwhelming evidence."

Really? Well, that settles that then.

Actually, I'm being sarcastic. What I quoted above is your laughable belief that your asserting something makes it true.

I've adopted this thread on this blog just to plumb the depths of the stupidity of the political movement that makes a film such as this, and which responds to a reasoned review that judges the film on its merits and finds it bad by launching into self-pitying whining about "liberal" conspiracies.

Just because you happen to be regarded as an "Einstein" by the Neanderthals in your campus repugnican club doesn't mean that every word you utter is gold.

[1QP]

Let us have our movie.

We don't have too much to look forward to right now, and it's evident that we'll lose the election, tens of seats in Congress, and likely a seat on the Supreme Court that will sway it your way. We know this. Give us a break. We even lost Tom Davis.

Our brand is not shit, it's just been painted brown by GW, imposters and circumstance.

Things will be a lot better once someone is elected. People will calm down. We're all Americans that want the best for this country. Our differences are not that vast; everyone wants to vent on the internet. Let's remember that we're all on the same side.

Respectfully submitted,

A young conservative and Iraq veteran

[thwap]

You can have your movie. Nobody was ever trying to take it away from you.*

Let other people have the right to think it stinks without being called America-hating commie scum.

*Though you'd better hurry. It doesn't look like it'll be in the theatres long!

[Markwart]

German Nazism was a LEFT WING movement? Wow. I did not know that. That must be why Hitler hated Communism. So right wingers actually saved the world. It's amazing. I learn so much stuff here.

[Gus]

The American political right is scary. So angry, so proud, and so stupid. I suppose there are worse enemies to have than one that mistrusts even a primary school education. I never really did enjoy zombie films...

Incidentally, why is it people go after Michael Moore for being fat? Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel. Meh, enjoy a sub 30 IQ... what do I care? Michael Moore is a legend, and fights for the rights of workers and Americans, even the stupid zombie Red Staters that attack him on the order of their evil Emperor Palpatine masters.

Just for the record, Jesus hates your guts (and please please understand, he didn't hate many). You'll understand once you eventually learn to read and open the Bible, instead of listening to select audio quotes from Mamon.

America... the bizarro version. Ugh.

[B.BarNavi]

If I see another "liberals against free expression" comment, I'll point right at the rage that was directed against Fahrenheit as well as the efforts to ban it.

The American Right: Irony-free since 1972.